Posted in emotional abuse

On the fence…

Stop already!  Stop playing with my emotions!  Stop holding me in indecision with inconsistent behavior, lies and lethargy.  

It used to be confusing, now I’m annoyed

Instead of working on problems within our relationship, you are playing avoidance.  

Instead of trying now ~~ AGAIN~~ I am playing avoidance.  

Are you wondering why?    Why am I playing avoidance?  

Because I have finally arrived in a place where I say no more BULLSHIT. 

Because now, now I think you’re finally beginning to listen and understand how I feel — ANY time alone together translates into you trying to regain control of me somehow.  

And HOLY COW you won’t give me ANY time alone, BY MYSELF — that, in and of itself, is crazy-making!!

This entire situation is annoying. It’s annoying and insulting because I know that deep down, nothing has changed. Below the surface of this newest layer of bullshit is the same angry, seething, disrespectful son-of-a-bitch that I have been dealing with, trying to communicate with, struggling with emotionally — for years.  

I understand now that this newest layer of bullshit is intended to smooth over the fissure in the foundation of our relationship. In lieu of renovating and re-building the irreparably damaged substructure that supports our mutual existence you are haphazardly slathering on another layer of spackle in hopes that it will cover the blemish, but it won’t.  

I have grown tired and can now recognize the venomous substance that oozes from those crevasses. It stings and blisters every surface it touches and unfortunately that surface is me and our child, but it’s not just the surface of our skin that is blistering and tight from damage — the anger seeps below the surface and stings places that the eye can’t see creating irreparable damage within us.  



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