Posted in emotional abuse

Alone.

So funny, I was contemplating the benefits, and there are benefits, to staying in the unhappy, dysfunctional, emotionally abusive relationship that I’m currently in. Well, I thought, I’m not alone — but then I caught myself, because really I am alone. 

I am alone and lonely all the time and what I get from this relationship in lieu of a happy companionship is the need to justify and account for every action that I take. It’s more than just an unhappy mismatch, it’s an abusive emotional slaughtering and in the end it feels like there is no release for me, no happy place, no sweet spot, no one looking in my direction and hoping that I’m having a good day.  

I’m not sure why I have been branded with this loneliness my entire life — I guess it’s truly the cards I was dealt. The foundation formed and set forth is the premise that has been applied to every relationship in my life and it always ends the same — what’s the common thread? Me. 

But how can I feel so strongly on behalf of my heart and simultaneously be SO SEVERELY MISunderstood — must be in the message. BUT when I feel so strongly that I am not angry or abusive and I am told that I am, it must be in a common misinterpretation of my words, actions, mindset — it must be all of them, all cut from the same mold — the personality “mold” that I can relate to or communicate with.

It’s getting old and now that I can see it, it’s time to change my hand.

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