Posted in emotional abuse

SILLY vs STUPID

So — I’m in the car the other night, returning home from grocery shopping with my child and our narcissist. She excitedly chose and we purchased an inexpensive impulse toy at the market, which she grabbed from the shopping bags as they were being loaded into the truck.

She proceeded to climb into the back seat and open the toy. She was sitting back there in the dark entertaining herself while we packed everything in. 

No sooner did we start to drive and she was abruptly reprimanded to “put it away until we got home!”  

I could actually feel her deflate, so I chimed in,”she’s only excited to play with it.”

“Well, that’s silly, She can wait until we get home,” he responded.

I continued, “don’t you remember being her age and the excitement of playing with a new toy?”

We were stopped at a red light, he physically turned in his seat so we were practically nose-to-nose and he could look me in the eye, then he growled, “yeah, and I wasn’t allowed to play with it in the car.”

WELL, the bells and whistles chimed and the voices started going off in my head.  

Fun sponge! He’s a damn fun sponge. I don’t know how I am ever even surprised by this anymore, but somehow I am — EVERY TIME. It feels like he goes out of his way to deflate positive energy from she and I ALL THE TIME! Yet I allow it to continue!

Then, as we drove and I replayed his words to me, I realized that I wanted to shout to him and at him, “why would you emulate the behavior of two ignorant people who were ill-suited to raise children when being ignorant and ill-suited to raise children was more acceptable almost a half-century ago?”

Through his own mouth I have heard that his parents were inane and ill-equipped at best in their parenting skills, on so many levels. His father is a verbally abusive womanizer. HIs mother an abused woman, assuaging her misery with alcohol.

Why wouldn’t you take the knowledge that fuels your own emotional discomfort and try to better yourself, move out of the way of their destruction instead of perpetuating it with similar behaviors which will surely reap similar outcomes. 

I get it — that would actually take work on your part, but don’t you want better for your child(ren)?

Who employs the logic of a half-century ago to child-rearing now? The world has evolved! Have you? Our children are so much smarter, faster, wiser than we were, than children ever were before, than even we are now. It takes every ounce of wisdom to stay ahead of them so they do not run faster than their own headlights and collide with a dark future.  

Of course, I am not suggesting not to borrow wisdom from the past, but methods? Who would apply antiquated methods to cutting edge procedures? Especially given that today’s materials are so much sharper!

Even more amazing to me is that he doesn’t seem to care to enjoy his family life or give his child happy family memories. I can only guess that that mentality ~ the children need to fit a specific mold mindset ~ is borrowed from his past too.

I find it all so very exhausting

Children and the innocence of childhood should be savored, there is enough time to worry about rules and conformity when we are older. 

Children should be educated at least — well educated where possible, yet they need to be urged to play as well. 

They should learn the rules and be encouraged to bend them. 

They need to be seen and heard. 

They should be encouraged to think and draw outside of the lines. 

They should be praised and scolded, but accepted in both lights. 

Children need to learn respect, tolerance, acceptance, patience and self-control.  

Our children should never feel ridiculed, insignificant, irrelevant or stupid.

To the old school, control-freaky fun sponges out there — there is a huge difference between silly and stupid. Children are silly — which means to show a lack of judgement; foolish. Pig-headed adults who chastise children for acting ‘silly’ are stupid — which means to show a great lack of intelligence.   

Well, call me silly because I would take that over stupid every day.  

Look around you, I challenge you to evolve.

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