Posted in emotional abuse, Love, acceptance, Narcissism, Relationships, Family

A Rock.

“You are a rock.”       “You are so strong.”

Ha!  How many times have I heard that?  Too many to count.

I never asked to be anyone’s rock, I never even claimed to be strong.  

Am I seen that way because I am innately strong-spirited or because I have been strong, when I had no other choice in how to be?

Am I really a leader or merely self-reliant?

A leader, by definition, is the person who leads or commands a group, organization, or country.

That’s someone who stands before the group asking to be followed, admired, revered.

All I am usually doing is being myself. So I put up a good facade.

I know what truth lies beyond the exterior surface.

I am not an authority on most things, I never claimed to be.

Yet somehow I often become the voice of the crowd.

My humor, and there is a lot, is a defense mechanism.

I am really, frighteningly insecure.

My need to reach out, to include everyone, to listen and try to understand, is borne out of too much experience as the one being EXCLUDED.

My straightforwardness stems from many years of being kept in the dark.

My outlook on life developed through rough patches along the road.

I am really just trying to get by in what can be a very unkind world.

Through the most devastating times I have merely breathed and waited for the turmoil to pass.

The only other choice would have been to stop, breathing that is.

Hardly the reaction of someone who is strong.

So, I am a natural leader? Maybe, maybe not.

Am I a rock? I certainly don’t believe so.

I never asked for that honor, or privilege, nor do I believe that I deserve that rank.

I will just keep being me. Wherever that takes me, only time will tell.

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