I am so tired of fighting. Fighting over things.
Fighting for things that I think I deserve, as human right.
Fighting in favor of things I want, as human privilege.
Fighting about things that I don’t think I deserve, as a human being.
I am tired of fighting for everything.
Human right — We enter the world naked: food, clothing, shelter. That’s it.
Human privilege — We enter the world helpless: two, or at least one, capable, caring adult to love, nurture and protect us until we are capable of caring for ourselves; not to have to endure emotional instability and game playing by the very people who should be cementing a solid psychological foundation on which the Self can grow.
I am tired of fighting for acceptance and unrestricted conditions from the very people who I look upon for love and support.
I am tired of wanting and wishing for a normal, cohesive family base on which I can lean. (Experience has taught me that this will never be the case.)
I am even more tired of feeling sorry for myself for what I have always lacked in the manner of family.
I am tired of being told “how strong I am” and “what a fighter I am,” having endured so much and not given up the fight.
I am tired of en-during, when will it be my turn to en-joy?
When will it all start to make sense?
It feels as though the dam within me is about to break, I don’t think I’ll be able to contain it too much much longer.
I’m too tired.