Posted in emotional abuse, Love, acceptance, Narcissism, Relationships, Family, Self-Esteem

Tired.


I am tired.

I am so tired of fighting.  Fighting over things.

Fighting for things that I think I deserve, as human right.

Fighting in favor of things I want, as human privilege.

Fighting about things that I don’t think I deserve, as a human being.

I am tired of fighting for everything.

Human right — We enter the world naked:   food, clothing, shelter.  That’s it.

Human privilege —  We enter the world helpless:  two, or at least one, capable, caring adult to love, nurture and protect us until we are capable of caring for ourselves; not to have to endure emotional instability and game playing by the very people who should be cementing a solid psychological foundation on which the Self can grow.

I am tired of fighting for acceptance and unrestricted conditions from the very people who I look upon for love and support.

I am tired of wanting and wishing for a normal, cohesive family base on which I can lean. (Experience has taught me that this will never be the case.)

I am even more tired of feeling sorry for myself for what I have always lacked in the manner of family.

I am tired of being told “how strong I am” and “what a fighter I am,” having endured so much and not given up the fight.

I am tired of en-during, when will it be my turn to en-joy?

When will it all start to make sense?  

It feels as though the dam within me is about to break, I don’t think I’ll be able to contain it too much much longer.

I’m too tired.

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