Circumstances matter, anyone who tells you that they don’t is a liar or a fool. People may say it “doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, get it done.” But circumstances can and will prevent something from happening, SO you cannot necessarily ignore them as they are, but, with some effort and sometimes creative thinking, you can usually CHANGE some or all of the circumstances surrounding a situation.
What doesn’t matter is excuses.
Whatever excuse you are hiding behind that is preventing you from acting at all (unless it’s an unworkable health-related issue) is preventing you from forward momentum and is just an excuse. I’m not saying that it isn’t fueled by your circumstance, because it is, BUT circumstances need to be changed where they can be. This can be a vicious cycle — we hide behind excuses or create circumstances “beyond our control” that become excuses because really if we are not in the frame-of-mind that we need to be, it is easier (not necessarily healthier) but easier to sit still than push through trouble. So as hard as it may seem to accept — it’s TRUE, excuses (barring an unworkable health issue) are just that — excuses.
You have it within yourself to alter the circumstances that are molding your life, it starts with your mindset.
Unfortunately misery LOVES company. The world is full of disingenuous, damaged people who are so full of self-loathing and insecurity that, in order to make themselves feel better, they would rather see others sink than swim. Those people can be family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, strangers, celebrities, sports figures — ANYONE, so beware and mind your good senses and judgement when taking-in information. Remember, not all people who smile at us are our friends.
DO NOT ABSORB THE CHATTER. There is so much chatter everywhere around us, it is being delivered right to us in steady doses. In our faces, directly in our ears — in person. on the news, on our mobile devices. We are accosted on a daily basis with messages that have an undertone of negativity. All of this chatter, positive and negative, becomes a part of our internal data center and we apply it to other factors when forming opinions and making choices. If we listen to and absorb all of the negativity that surrounds us, we may likely drown right where we are!
Look within yourself to change the circumstances in your mind and watch as your flower unfolds around you.
So, I asked, where do circumstances stem from and how might someone go about changing their circumstances?
I, personally, think that circumstances are determined based on what someone thinks they need to be, or not be, to deem themselves successful.
That begs the question, what is success?
The definition of ‘success’ is completely subjective. It means different things to different people, and within that segregation there are subdivisions of ‘standards of success’ and subdivisions of subdivisions
So, for instance, success can be measured in terms of: financial success, academic success, financial abundance, large family, close-family, no family, large groups of friends, no friends, high grades, good sense of humor, physically fit, competitive athlete, pretty, home-y, nice car, reliable car, flashy appearance, humble appearance — the list is endless.
In one way or another we all want to be successful in life — regardless of what your personal description of success is. People who seek a partner will usually seek out someone who holds similar values and standards. Some people who are emotionally dysfunctional may seek out a “partner” who they can control to satisfy their needs and agenda. Even people who are considered dysfunctional and abusive are only taking their personal inadequacies, whether perceived or genuine, out on those around them.
So the circumstances that you possess and apply to your life, whether it be just in your mind or in your thoughts and your actions, should be a culmination of the traits and/or qualities that you have ingested as the ingredients to your success.
Now, on the other hand, if your self-talk speaks a different language. A language of anti-success or failure, ineptitude, stupidity and other ugly, disgraceful adjectives, well then the circumstances in your mind that you apply in your thinking or your thinking and your actions are a culmination of the thoughts and beliefs that you have ingested, most likely by design, by someone whose intention is to keep you down and out of their lime-light.
Don’t be fooled, this is not by accident, it is an act of control.
There are many, many people with narcissistic tendencies — they are self serving and will use anyone to gain ground, There are many people with narcissistic personality disorder who will devour anyone to fulfill their demands, which are steep. We all need to be aware of both of those types of people — THEY WILL STEP ON ANYONE THEY CAN — but that’s another post.
If you are victimized by the circumstances in your mind,
listening to a voice —
someone else’s or your own-
saying that you can’t do something,
and NOT trying — you will remain a victim of your current physical circumstances.
It is a nasty cycle, until you change your own circumstances, in your mind, you are resisting forward momentum.
I WANT US TO ADOPT CIRCUMSTANCES THAT SCREAM, YOU CAN’T STEP ON ME. I MIGHT FAIL, BUT I MIGHT NOT! IF I LISTEN TO YOU, I’LL NEVER TRY ANYTHING, THEN I’LL DEFINITELY NEVER SUCCEED.
I want to focus here, right now, on YOU and ME figuring out how to free ourselves from the circumstances that define us away from what WE want.
We need circumstances that define us as strong and independent!
So where can we start?
Positive self talk. Positive action — say hello, good morning. Too many people in our society have forgotten how to just be nice, more humble, less self-serving. We all need to be kinder, more considerate and accountable for ourselves, for our own actions. We need to recognize how our actions effect everyone around us — think globally. That starts one person at a time.
THINK cleaner, better, more positive thoughts, your actions will follow. Smile. Love yourself, on the inside and out. And if you don’t feel that way yet **believe that you can and that you will** Figure out what makes YOU happy and practice it, even if it’s only for a little while each day or whenever you can. Learn to love who you are by making yourself happy.
In Kindergarten I learned, “Do Unto Others As You Would Have Others Do Unto You,” obviously, I’ve never forgotten it, it’s a great message.
If you wouldn’t like it being done to you, don’t do it to someone else!!
I challenge you to practice it.
More times than not, you will get back what you put out into the world.